samedi 21 janvier 2017

Almost a mirror

I think 2017 has got off to a rough, or at least shaky, start for a lot of people.  January feels very bleak.  We are all doing our best and struggling.

My theory is we all got so hung up on '2016 was the worst, can't wait for it to be over!' (which I guess was broadly true), that we're all extra disappointed that nothing has magically changed.  I mean, with the wonder of hindsight, why would it?  What were we expecting?  But we had to cling on to something.

As for me, I've been struggling to write, struggling to stay healthy.  I started the year with good such good intentions, also with 108 sun salutations (of which possibly more later).  Then I hit a wall.  A grim, cold, dark, January wall.

And now it's about whatever gets me through the days, which seems to be through the media of hibernation and carbohydrates.  I may be aiming for morbid obesity by February, but I'll deal with that when the days get a bit lighter.

As always, in the meantime, there is joy in the tiny things.  Dancing.  Winter sunshine, today, for the first time in a long time.  Running at night - I never usually do it, but the mood struck me the other evening and I set off at about 10pm for a long run through the streets of Brighton; it was something close to magic.  Porridge and coffee on cold mornings.  Over-the-knee suede boots that have turned out to be surprisingly practical.  Staying in bed, frankly.

On another whim, I took myself off to the cinema to se La La Land.  It was just for something to fill the hours, really.  I knew very little about it and expected only some jolly singing and dancing, maybe some bright colours to perk up my poor tired eyes.  Well, if you haven't seen it yet then I'd say the less you know about it in advance the better.  I have been badgering all of my friends to see it so that we can discuss at great length.  It was not in the least what I anticipated and it smashed every possible expectation I had.

So, here's to those who dream and those who are struggling.  It seems to be a lot of us, at the moment.  It's a hard path to take but here we still are.  I'm with you.

Current soundtrack, conversely the most gorgeously romantic imaginable, which is transporting me swooningly out of this endless dark winter today*.  When your heart is really on its knees, I can only recommend listening on a semi-permanent loop and thinking of that beautiful man who you don't know very well in the real world but reads you Rimbaud from 6,000 miles away...  It's all out there somewhere.  It's got to be, right?

* Yes, I do know that Rowland S. Howard meant it ironically, but I don't care.  I don't care so much that if I ever get married I think I would like to dance to this song.  I don't think Nick Cave cares either.

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