On this Monday morning... If Kurt Cobain was still alive, today would have been his 50th birthday.
I can't quite process this thought. I would love to have seen KC at this age. He would have been GREAT at being an older man. Like so many people who die too soon, he had an old face even as a beautiful young man. An air of having been around a long time, as well as having packed a crazily impressive amount into 27 years. At 27, I think I was still working out what haircut suited me; he was a father and a husband and had made In Utero. He looked ageless. Jesus and William Burroughs, I think.
I like to believe, had he lived, he would be following a broadly Neil Young sort of role in the world. I wish he'd just been allowed to give it all up and disappear for a bit, and then I really believe he might have eventually, quietly resurfaced with the most interesting music of his career. I think he might have lived in the woods somewhere and occasionally put out an unlistenable album, occasionally something brilliant. Even more grizzled, more difficult, more sexy; maybe when it had all calmed down, more funny. I'd like to have seen that.
I think Kurt would really like Cat Power and Pussy Riot and RuPaul's Drag Race. His hair would be longer and even more raggedy. He would still smoke and he'd probably watch a lot of Netflix, generally. He would paint more. He would be political. He would have worked with Michael Stipe. Maybe he'd have written a novel, which I assume would have been dense and unreadable and I would have loved.
These are the things I like to think.
Kurt, I'm still sad you died. It's a sadness that still has the exact same flavour as it did when I was 12. It's one of the many things I wish were different about this world. I'd rather you were in it. I hope you got your Leonard Cohen afterworld. Of course I do.
I should probably put a Nirvana song here. But we know them all so well and you can sing your favourite ones in your head. Mine are probably Heart-Shaped Box, Drain You and About A Girl. Maybe in that order.
So here is a song that is more like I am feeling today. I've been listening to it on a loop all weekend; I don't know why. I have no idea how KC felt about Elliott Smith. Wistful and fragile, but with a sting in the tale... It feels fitting.