Commitmentphobe.

So, in the last fortnight, I have become obsessed with the film ‘Bridesmaids’ and attended my oldest friend Rachael’s beautiful wedding.  I have known Rachael since I was nine, and can scarcely believe that she is now a married lady.

First of all – Bridesmaids!  I have long been a fan of Kristen Wiig’s – mostly due to my geek-girl Tina Fey/SNL crush – and extremely excited about this film.  And I loved it.  Especially the inclusion of Wilson Phillips.  Especially the fact that it was effing hilarious and also made me cry numerous times.  Especially the bits in which I could almost have been watching myself, having donned a bridesmaid dress more times than I care to remember – the jolt of recognition I had when Annie was in a dress shop with all her much-richer-than-her friends, going ‘no, that $800 dress isn’t that great – look at this one, it’s got pockets, anyone can wear it, it’s $200!’ only to be roundly ignored, was almost painful.  Go and see it right now, is my only advice.

So, while I find them pretty/potentially hilarious, I love a good wedding.  Rachael’s was one of the loveliest.  It was in a fancy hotel, on the river Thames, in glorious sunshine, with peacocks roaming the grounds – yes, real life peacocks!  There was a photo-booth at the reception!  I got to see old friends I hadn’t seen in ages!  The bride seriously looked like something out of a magazine!

However, what I can’t explain is why I don’t want one of those for myself.  Weddings, increasingly, seem to make people think it’s OK to ask me when I am getting married.  Around half a dozen last Saturday, in fact – including one lady who actually grabbed my left hand quite forcibly in order to inspect it for rings!  Worse was the friend I hadn’t seen in ages, who got pissed later in the evening and said: ‘OK, I’m going to make you feel awkward now – you’ve been living with your boyfriend for seven years, why aren’t you getting married?’.

I’m afraid my answer is: dunno.  I like other people’s weddings; I’m not opposed to the institution of marriage.  I have no burning desire to do so, but I can’t think of a good reason not to.  Which to me means I probably shouldn’t – I applied pretty much the same logic to losing my virginity, actually, which is why it took me so long (that and the fact I couldn’t seem to give it away, obvs).

I’ve taken to saying ‘I’m not really the marrying type’ in haughty, trying-to-be-mysterious tones, or making jokes about being a commitment-phobe.  But that’s not really it, either.

It’s so hard to articulate, but I had better figure out a way to do so – and quick – if I’m planning on going to any more weddings soon.  Which - let’s face it, I'm 30! - I probably will.